Read Online

Death is both inevitable and unpredictable, we all owe it – not only to ourselves but to our loved ones – to be prepared

Foreword to the first edition by Lord Mackay of Clashfern

Why and how we need to talk about dying

This chapter discusses the most difficult time when there is a new diagnosis of life-threatening illness.

Deciding about treatment – No further useful treatment - Stopping treatment – Is treatment ever denied because of expense? – Cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) – Do not attempt resuscitation (DNAR) – Advanced decision/directive – Power of attorney – Decisions for the elderly.

Growing old – The limits of modern medicine – Fears about Dying – Palliative/hospice- type care of the dying – If you could choose how would you like to die? – Dementia – A different sort of pain – Access to hospice care – Dying at home – Physician assisted suicide – Euthanasia – the withdrawal of treatment – The use of strong pain medication at the end of life – The legal situation – Compassion and dignity – As good a death as possible – Purposeful living – How do we die?

Five examples of the challenge responding to the sudden death – of a spouse, a son, a mid-career teacher, a recently retired teacher wife and mother; and a teenage neighbour.

Talking about the possibility of suicide is important - Suicide is not uncommon - Efforts to reduce the risk - The bereaved survivors - Talking and practical help.

Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Neonatal death – Three stages of pregnancy – Early and late miscarriage – Will there be a birth certificate after miscarriage? – What happens to the baby after a miscarriage? – Stillbirth – Holding your stillborn baby – Should there be a postmortem of a still born baby? – Saying goodbye – Registering a stillborn baby - Will there be a funeral? – Neonatal Death – Sudden unexpected death In infancy - How can family and friends help? – Sources of help.

Children and death – The death of a pet – General understanding of death in childhood – Teenagers – Spiritual understanding of death – The death of a parent or main carer – Ongoing concerns – Death of a parent or main carer from suicide – The death of a brother or sister – The death of a child – Talking to a child who is expected to die – Deciding not to talk – children’s questions – Consider asking for help – Information step by step – How will my family cope? – Medical decisions - The sudden death of a child - UK deaths in childhood in 2014.

Different views - Eastern religions – Judaism - Christianity and Islam – Tolerance - The resurrection of Jesus - The Christian Hope: this present world - God’s purpose for us - the Kingdom of God - the life to come - the choice - life after death - the Good News - The importance of talking about life after death - Sharing the Good News - Faith.

Talking about our fears – Phobias - Doing something about it - “Fear not”.

When we are either facing our own mortality or alongside someone who is possibly close to death, our hearts cry out to God, perhaps yearning for miraculous intervention, yet so often the illness progresses before our watering eyes. This chapter addresses this dilemma, shows how ‘healing’ involves rather more than a physical cure and suggests ways of praying for and trusting in the transforming presence of Jesus.

At the time of death. Obtaining a Medical Certificate. Registering a Death. Lasting Power of Attorney. Making a Will. Planning a Funeral. The funeral service. Other funeral arrangements. Funerals in other religious communities.

Drawing on our experiences, we provide examples of what needs to be done and where help can be found to deal with the challenges and pain of facing up to death and dying – of relatives, friends, colleagues of all ages, and, not least, ourselves.

Specific help – The limits of help – Look after yourself – In bereavement – it is different for everyone – It is a long up and down process - Does anything help? – Keep on remembering – Prayers which may be helpful .