Insights from the heart of Dementia
My dearly loved wife has dementia. One day she fell and cut her forehead. Because she was on anticoagulant medication, to minimise the risk of blood clots in her circulation, she bled profusely. I accompanied her to the A&E Department of the local hospital. Her forehead wound was soon dressed. External bleeding was not a problem.
Because there was the possibility of bleeding inside her skull, intracranial haemorrhage, she had scans of her head. When the consultant came around I gently asked - “Did she have serious bleeding inside her skull that could have compressed and damaged her brain?”
He replied “Don’t worry. Because of her dementia her brain is so shrunken and small that there is plenty of spare space inside her skull!” - Reassuring, but not encouraging!
You can understand that I am eager for any sign of encouragement and Hope!
The lovely, talented lady who I courted with pride 70 years ago, married with joy 66 years ago, the capable wife who brilliantly brought up our children has now had dementia for over 10 years. To see her, day after day, in her dilapidated, dozy and confused state is deeply distressing!
She barely communicates, so, I am eager for signs of encouragement and Hope!
One day our ever encouraging, daughter said to her mother –
“Mum, you are doing very well. It is over 31 years since you had that major heart surgery, the coronary bypass graft, and you are still here with us!”
Her mother replied - “Something wrong with your calculation there. I’m only 30!”
How can the fragment of brain that she still has, - come up with such a cheeky joke?
The carers in the local care home, who know that she was once trained as a doctor and for a while ran a single-handed GP practice, teasingly ask her advice.
“Dr, we have a lady here who is having difficulty sleeping. What would you advise?” After thinking about it for a few minutes she said:
“A good starting point is to have a clear conscience!” -
Where could she find such a pertinent comment in her sadly shrunken brain?
On a Sunday morning I usually visit her before I go off to Church. After I disappeared, one of the carers asked her – “Would you like to go to Church?”
She replied “Church is not just somewhere I would go to, Church is my life!”
What her heart, rather than her fragment of brain is trying to say is –
“My Christian Faith and the Lord Jesus are the core of my whole being!”
The foundation of faith is secure despite the sad wreck of her body and brain.
My wife does not walk around independently much now. Recently a visitor was surprised to see her walking purposefully with her 4-wheel walker and asked her. “Where are you going?” She responded – “I’m going to Heaven.”
She is clear about direction and destination. The spirit outlasts both body and brain!
Recent writing from her husband, also a retired doctor, now over 90 years old.